Funny Doctor’s Note

Wonder what these doctor’s were smoking or drinking as they wrote these actual doctor’s notes? 

Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles.

Complains of chest pain occasionally. Otherwise just a pain.

Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no distress.

Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

Heart problem is fixed. Patient died at 10:07 this morning.

I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

If it weren’t for the fact that the patient is dead, I would say he was in perfect health.

Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely.

Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.

Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

Patient is always telling me about her pains and problems.

Patient was alert and unresponsive.

Patient’s past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

She is numb from her toes down.

She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce.

The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.

The blood workup showed no antibodies present. Need the rest of the blood to be sure, however.

The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993.

The patient has no past history of suicides.

The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.

The patient refused an autopsy.

The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.

The skin was moist and dry.

This remains a significant pain to me.

When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.

While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

Darleen Lanham 

Because It’s All About YOU! and Changing Yourself and Your Life for the Better


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